Monday, October 5, 2015
One More Thing I Did in My 20's...
Yep, I got pregnant. Then, I had a miscarriage.
Josh and I knew when we got home from Hawaii, we wanted to start trying to have a family. I went off the birth control pill at the end of July, and a month later, we got a positive pregnancy test. Of course, we were ecstatic. We thought it would take months of trying to see that positive test. While we knew there was a possibility that it might not stick, we shared our news and excitement with close friends and family.
It wasn't to be, though. We went to meet our doctor at our 8 week mark, and immediately were told something was wrong with our ultrasound. The baby was measuring two weeks behind, although our gestational sack was right on track. There was no heartbeat. Things did not look good.
We were so devastated. Our doctor tested my HCG levels to determine if my hormones were rising at the rate normal to pregnancy, and we waited an agonizing 4 days to learn the results. By the end of the week we knew... the hormones were dropping, the pregnancy was ending. From that point, we had to decide what to do. We could wait, but it could take up to a month for my body to miscarry naturally. We could take medicine to speed it along, or I could have a D&C.
We took the weekend to really mourn and determine the next steps. It was so weird to be pregnant still, knowing that I was not carrying a viable baby. I felt pretty betrayed by my body, since it had not reacted and rejected the pregnancy when things went south.
Ultimately, we didn't want to wait, so over a week ago I took the medicine to speed along the process. It was pretty horrible, and I won't go into details, but it's an experience I'd rather not repeat. We met with the doctor last week, and we're still not in the clear, but things are looking positive. It's going to take time for my body to clear out and be ready to try again, but we will try again.
Having a little time between the process and now, I know that this is a part of life. It has been truly amazing to know the number of women in my life who have miscarried, and it seems to strange to know so many when it's rarely talked about. The ending of the pregnancy is sad, because the dream that goes along with that hope of a baby is gone. That's something that can be very hard to wrap your head around, and I know it will take me some time to work though. However, I know this is a process, and that we'll try again.
October is marked as a month to remember pregnancy loss and infant death. If you have gone through this, too, I am sorry. It's hard on not just the woman losing the pregnancy, but her partner, her family, and her friends. It's my hope that through discussing this that people don't feel so isolated and alone.
I know this isn't regularly what I post about, but this is a personal blog, and I feel like I can share with all of my readers. If you're going through a similar situation and need to talk, I'm here.