Monday, October 19, 2015
Monday Musings: Stimulants and Sedatives
If you've been reading my blog for very long, or know me in person, you know that my relationship with alcohol is sometimes on and off. During the Arbonne detox last spring, I gave it up and felt amazing, but it made its way back into my life. When we decided to start trying to conceive, I stopped drinking completely. I also went off caffeine, because I thought it would be hard to do so once full of pregnancy hormones.
Through the couple months that I was pregnant, I didn't partake in any alcohol or caffeine. When we found out we were losing the pregnancy, I still didn't reach for them. I knew I would grieve, and I knew it would be intense, and I didn't want to rely on anything to dull my senses and my pain. I knew I would need to feel it.
As I'm coming out of the grief and returning to normal life, I find myself adverse to the idea of these stimulants and sedatives. Not to say that either one of these should be shunned or make you a bad person if you partake, but I can't seem to imagine incorporating them back into my life.. alcohol in particular.
Drinking has been a part of my life for over a decade, and it was once the core of all social interaction. Since I've been experiencing life, parties, weekends, and work events sober, I feel I'm more engaged and in control. I don't find myself jealous that I can't drink or sad about it. I simply enjoy myself, laugh, act goofy, and do the things I normally do. The difference is the way I feel by the end of the night and in the morning. I feel good.
Another interesting interaction I'm experiencing is my relationship with food. When drinking daily or almost so, I would find myself unable to hear my natural hunger cues, and all food tasted pretty good. Now, I'm finding that I have no real interest in food when I'm not hungry, and if things aren't truly tasty, I just don't eat them. This is really weird for me, because this is not normal.
We plan on trying to conceive again in a few months, and I don't want to go through the process of stopping alcohol and caffeine all over again. I know I had nothing to do with my miscarriage, but I truly want to put my body in the healthiest possible state when we try to grow a human again. So, I think I'll be reaching for water instead of wine, and rooboos instead of Earl Gray. For now, it's really working, and I'm interested to see where this new lifestyle will take me.