I have always struggled with self confidence. I am my worst critic, and often I'm not very nice to myself. That has started to change, though. The best thing that I have learned since starting this blog over a year ago is how to like myself. When this all began, I really saw this as a motivator to lose weight and start tackling some of the depression that lingered so deeply in my mind. I thought I would be more accountable by showing daily tallies of my food intake, and therefore, I would magically get slim. That's not exactly what happened.
As I started to write and express myself, I found a real outlet for the things I was experiencing on a daily basis. It felt great to sit down at the keyboard and share the ups and downs of my experience, whether it be what I felt about veganism, what foods I was digging, or what new exercise I was currently in love with. As all this kept going, I really started to get a feel of what foods made me feel great (and which did not) and what behaviors made me compulsive and unhealthy. I started to weed out all the negative thinking about calories and food rules, and ultimately, I was just left with myself. Then something interesting happened. I started to like myself. I started to feel confident and happy, something that I never thought would happen until I reached some magical number on a scale. I started enjoying shooting beautiful photos, talking about how much I loved yoga, and coming up with recipes jam packed with veggies.
I started to enjoy the journey of healthy eating, and I started to understand that there was no end goal. The goal was to be kind to myself, day by day. I still have bouts of negativity and depression, but through writing and understand myself better, I can identify when these moods overtake me, and I know what I need to do to correct them. That is a true gift. It has taken almost 2 decades for me to make peace with my body, for whatever size it is, but I have begun to see the beauty in it, just the way it is.
Three posts over the past year and a half have really stuck out to me as turning points along my journey. They hit me with such total clarity that, half the time, I'm jumping out of the shower to run to the computer and type it all out. This blog might be mostly about vegan food, but I hope that it also carries a message that you can do anything you want to, and you don't have to be any different than the way you are now.
Thanks for joining me on my journey! Stay tuned for the last few days of Vegan Mofo next week, where I'll share my favorite posts from the month and some new bloggers I'm excited to start following.