Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Weekly Recap: Expectations


I am really good at putting high expectations on myself.  So much so, that it's often a detriment to my health.  This week, I spent so much time preparing to take my final ARE that I was fairly lax in taking care of myself.  I also started weight lifting, which increased my daily appetite.  Mix that all in with a little stress and anxiety about not passing this test, and it was a recipe for weight gain.  By Friday, I was up a half a pound and full of nerves.

I completely psyched myself out.  I was doing pretty well managing stress, going to yoga Friday night and working in the yard all day Sunday, but by Monday morning, I was anxious again.  I got through the first part of the test fine, with plenty of time to check my answers.  Next came 3 drawings, which I finished with an hour to go, but I just couldn't leave well enough alone.  I double and triple checked my clearances, code restrictions and requirements.  At the very last 20 minutes, I decided to make a change in one of my drawings.  This change would have been fine, but because of all the stress I had built up around passing this test, I tried to change it back at the very last minute, having the time run out on me.  I was immediately filled with the dread that I had failed this test, again.  I won't actually know for another 2 weeks, but I'm not optimistic.

Sigh...

That's why I've been a bit absent the past few days.  I have not been handling this defeat well.

I won't run you through all my food from last week.  There were smoothies, there were a lot of Whole Foods salad bar lunches, and there were a lot of leftovers.  I didn't cook, because I was studying.  When I finally did cook, last night, the results were not great.

I will pick myself up from this and move forward, but I definitely got knocked down a peg.  I am learning to handle these situations better, but I'm still not great at it.  I mope, and I beat myself up.





For now, I'm going to go look at the pretty flowers Josh brought me Friday.  I'll be back tomorrow with more regular posting!

10 comments:

  1. Keep your head up Dana! Try not to define yourself by your expectations, you're awesome!

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    1. Thanks!! I will snap out of it :)

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  2. Everyone deserves a pity party once in awhile. Just make it grand then move on to better and greener pastures. Besides, who wants to be the peppy always 24/7 smiling happy gal? You seems more like an artsy, sincere, thoughtful gal with much depth.

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    1. thanks sophee :) i definitely can't be smiley all the time

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  3. I'm sorry to hear you had a rough time with your test! I was always an excellent student and a HORRIBLE test taker because I would psych myself out so much about the test itself no matter how well prepared I was, so even though it's been awhile since I took a major test (I guess the GRE would have been my last one and that was years ago), I feel your pain and I'm so sorry! You won't know anything for sure until you get those results, so try not to beat yourself up too much in the meantime. I know that's easier said than done and I wish you the best of luck!!

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    1. thanks so much :) it was really hard to get out of my head the few days after the test. i laid in bed going over what i did and why i shouldn't have, but now that i'm a week removed, i'm resolved to accept whatever the results may be. if i failed, i'll just wait 6 months and try again. if i passed, then i'm done and an architect and i can move on from this stage of stress in my life. either way, life goes on :D

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    2. That is very true and wise and that's all you can do!

      Hey, so I wanted to let you know that Bianca is coming to visit the last weekend in April and I was wondering if you might want to try to meet up? I've been wanting to meet you (I don't have any vegan friends in the area other than my husband, haha) and I know you are a fan of her blog too. My email is sheridanposey [at] yahoo [dot] com. If you're interested and available, send me a message and we can figure out the details! I also follow your Vanishing Veggie facebook page, if you would rather message me on facebook.

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    3. that would be fantastic!! i'll shoot you an email. it would be great to meet up with you guys. :) i love her blog. i have been reading it since i went vegan.

      very exciting!

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    4. Excellent! I look forward to meeting you!

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I'd love to hear from you!