Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Carrying Around Baggage

I haven't talked about Josh and I getting engaged a whoooole lot on the blog, 1. because I started a wedding blog, and 2. because it was a long time coming and the weddings is a ways away.  I do think the engagement has something to do with my recent detox, but not for the typical "oh shit, I'm a bride and must lose weight now" kind of way.  I have cleansed a very toxic and repressed desire that I've been carrying around for years.  It seems cliche, but I was definitely in the "when are we ever going to get married" stage of my life before Josh made it there.  That frustrated me, it made me feel unwanted, and it made me feel bad about myself.  The healthy thing to do would have been to tell Josh these feelings, but I bottled them up, only to have them explode out to unsuspecting friends whenever I got too drunk.

Getting married was always a bit of a contentious topic in our relationship, and it was the only thing between us that seemed taboo to talk about.  Because of this, I was holding in my desire, and I was carrying around all these repressed emotions on the topic.  This caused me to drink and eat more than I should, packing on the pounds, the disappointment in myself, and the depression.

Finally, it all did come to a head, in December, and I feel so much better now.  Josh and I talked about it this weekend, and I realized that I was having a hard time losing weight because I was carrying around all this emotional baggage.  Those kind of feelings are toxic to your body and your mind, and they're things that you have to let go.  Because of this, I know now to speak up if something is driving me crazy.  Taking an active part of your health doesn't just mean picking out the right things at the grocery store or making it to the gym regularly, it also means you need to stand up for yourself and speak out when things are bothering you.

I go into 2014 with the greatest outlook on life, because I feel free of burden emotionally and physically.  It really is amazing how your mindset can change in a short period of time.

Speaking of taking care of myself, in my post last night I went on about how I wasn't feeling very well.  So, I got some hot water and lemon in my system and I went to bed early.  I woke up this morning feeling great!  It was quite a relief, because I really don't want to get sick.

Breakfast:  2 scoops vanilla protein powder, 1/3 avocado, 2 cups spinach, mixed with water

Lunch:  1 scoop vanilla protein powder, 3 carrots, 1/4 cup rolled oats, 1 tbs chia seeds, 1 cup coconut milk

Mid-Afternoon Snack:  1/4 cup almonds and fizzy drink

Pre-run Snack:   Hummus and lettuce leaf

It was a good day.  I didn't feel sick at all, and my smoothies were delicious!  I knew we were heading to the gym after work, so I had a second snack to fuel me.  I got in 4 miles, then we went home to stretch.  The gym is so much better when Josh comes with me.

One thing I like to do every month is make out a schedule of workouts I hope to achieve every week.  I put it up on our dry erase board in the kitchen and highlight my workouts when I complete them.  This month is heavy on running, since the half marathon is at the beginning of March.  Once that's over, I'm going to back off the distance and add some more barre amped.

While we're talking about dry erase boards, so I don't let veggies go bad and forget what's in the fridge, I like to write out what meals I have roughly planned out.  Now, I'm still just going to the store and picking whatever looks good, but then I like to think up what I can do with those things.  Here are my ideas for the next week.

We are hoping to go to Hawaii for our honeymoon, so it's a nice little reminder for me to eat healthy and be active, so I can enjoy that trip as much as possible!  It's a great motivator!

For dinner, I steamed some baby bellos until they released water, then I stuffed them with hummus.  On the side, I finished up the zucchini salad I made this weekend.  It was great!

As I tried to sit down to dinner, Bodhi decided she would rather occupy my space.  This happens just about every night.  She eyed my food, but then decided there was nothing for her there.  Oh well, Bodhi, that's fine.  I'll eat it!

I'm so glad I rested yesterday, because I seem to have kicked whatever was ailing me.  I'm looking forward to finishing out the week with some strong workouts and having a great weekend.


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